BEGINNINGS, ENDINGS & POSSIBILITIES

At the beginning of 2017, I was content.

Not happy

Not sad

but content.

There was always something missing. Something I'd pushed away; pushed down in favour of the "safe" route. I'd lost who I was. Who I'd dreamed of becoming. Lost my way to the world I'd once dreamed of inhabiting.

Oh, I hid it well. I still did shows. And I sat in the audience of incredible performances.

My year was filled with performances that transformed. I relished them, both the ones I performed in, and the ones I was an avid audience member for.

Each production offered me glimpses into that world. Teasing me with what I wanted but was too scared to really and truly strive/reach for.

And with each glimpse, I became more and more dissatisfied with the world I'd built for myself. Dissatisfied with the mould I'd willingly forged, but never truly fit into.

At the end of 2017, I took a hammer to the mould.

Coming into 2018 there are no shows, no rehearsals. No nuthin'

Not yet anyway.

But what I have is something more precious and, more importantly, soul-enriching:

Possibilities.

The possibilities for me this upcoming year are endless. And I can't really put into words how ecstatic I am about this. It's delicious. I'm filled with glee. I've spoken with my friends about this and the one thing I can't seem to do is fully express how happy I am. I get choked up. I end with the widest, goofiest grin. I shake my head because I can't articulate it. Because the happiness is soul deep. It's butterflies in my stomach and tingles in my fingertips. It's scary, and exhilarating......and just the way it's supposed to be.

2018....this is my year. And I'm happy